Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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