I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
