I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
