i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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