You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
