you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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