he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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