There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
