I wish I could teleport
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
