Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
