idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
