he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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