Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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