Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
