The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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