so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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