Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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