she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
