Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
