Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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