Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
