just come out here and I will go home with you...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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