There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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