so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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