This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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