OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
