Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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