Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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