Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
