Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
