Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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