I hate your face
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
