I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
