Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
