So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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