I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
