I want to have your abortion
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
