If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
