When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
