We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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