That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
