I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Two words: blizzard sex
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
