Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
