And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
