no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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