i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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