she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
