Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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