He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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