Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
