allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
