I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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