Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
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I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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