That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
