i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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