so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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