I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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