I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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