Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
