he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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