Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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