When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
