Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
