if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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