just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
