She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
