i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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