seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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