Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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