Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
