the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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