my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
