so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
