Will you blow on my dice?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
