just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
