I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
