We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
