if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Randomize
