omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
