All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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