how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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